Friday, January 9, 2009

Send lawyers, guns, and money

Walter's passed out in a drunken stupor and Dana's gone missing with some
creep named Bongo, and we are on the lam.

This message is from Jonathan and Katy, Walter and Dana's Nephew and neice
and guests on Madness. We have locked ourselves in the V berth with Uncle
Walt's laptop and in a last ditch effort to document our side of the story
before it corrupted by the undoubtedly ruthless interrogation techniques we
will be subjected to when the authorities catch up to us. We are sending
this out to all who can hear us. We are on a small French island where the
burden is on the accused to prove their innocence, which may no longer be

It began innocently enough when Walter met us at the airport. The dinghy
ride back to Madness was spiked with glasses of rum punch, and so began a
pattern of corruption of the innocent. This pattern eventually expanded to
include several counts of illegal immigration, smuggling, petty theft,
hitchhiking, murder, and perhaps several other offenses that fade in our
compromised memory.

We were taken to the nude beach where we witnessed the push-up guy, satchel
man, Chief Wanatalk and other characters. Then on to St Barts where we met a
collection of scoundrels and N'er-do-wells who proceeded to contribute to
our delinquency. Our meeting with them was on the lam, as we were not yet
officially cleared into port, hence one of our first international offenses.

When we were no longer welcome in this playground of the rich and famous, we
moved on to Statia, where Dana first met Bongo, and where she encouraged us
to smuggle a bunch of conch shells out of the country in defiance of their
laws. It was Walter's idea to hitchhike across the island. It was on Statia
that the petty theft took place. We swear that Walter was the one with the
sticky fingers, and Katie was just the mule.

When the Dana-Bongo situation began to get out of control, Walter insisted
on an early morning passage to Saba to put some distance between those two.
It was there that we launched an assault on the back side of the island and
scaled a rock cliff to land unnoticed.

Under the advice of counsel, I will not discuss the whole murder thing.

I think he may be coming to...more later.